Don't use your children as messengers or mouthpieces - let your communication with your spouse be between the two of you, preferably in private.
Do consider hiring a mediator. If you can't communicate without having the effort disintegrate into a shouting match, mediators can often help you think of better ways, often using structured communication, to relay important information about your children's health, education, and welfare.
Do recall that you don't have to do this difficult negotiation alone, and there are always more alternatives to litigation, compromise, or violence.
Do remember that often the dynamic of a conflict is radically changed with the introduction of the mediator. The mediator can help you identify your interests, stay focused on your interests, and take responsibility for yourself, allowing excellent binding agreements to unfold.
Do give the children age appropriate, limited information. Reinforce your conviction and intent that both parents will continue to love, support, and be actively involved in each child's life, and reiterate that THIS DIVORCE IS NOT THEIR FAULT!
Do make decisions regarding parenting time and responsibilities together, without input from the children.
Do tell your children what the plan is, and stick to it. Make the plan fair to both parents, and agree to review it to make sure it meets the needs of both parents and the children. Involving kids in formulating the plan can force them to make unwanted choices and to experience conflicting loyalties.
Don't put them in the middle by involving them in making parenting-time related choices.
Do go over parenting time schedules with the children. Using a calendar can help alleviate the fear that often accompanies the parties' physical separation and the introduction of one party's new living quarters. Kids will adapt, and everyone benefits by sharing appropriate levels of information. Marking a calendar for the year with a colored hi lighter or sticker for parenting time with each parent can ease children's fear about where they will be on which days.
Do assure them they will have continuing contact with both of you, as well as your love and support.
Do take care of your emotional needs by seeking friends, family, and support groups. You must be as healthy as you can manage to be to provide the love and support your children need in order to minimize the crappy effects of the divorce process.
Do take a parenting class if one is available, because whether required by the court, or not, it is an excellent idea. These classes offer useful information about helping yourself and your children through the divorce and post divorce process, as well as information about the effects, good and bad, of parents' behavior and language during and after the divorce. Yes, you have as choice about your emotional environment now and for the future.